At first I prayed to have a child and I was given two miracles. Twins. During the pregnancy doctors told us that Ella, or baby A at the time, had clubbed feet and may indicate other problems. Again I still prayed knowing that modern medicine is usually pretty accurate. Ella was born with perfect tiny feet, "miracle feet", and no other problems. I was so relieved and thankful for what I was given, but I was selfish. I came into the neonatal intensive care unit for almost two month and for a while I ignored the miracles that surrounded me.
One day in particular has been burned into my brain, and I hope I will never forget it. For anyone who hasn't been into a Neonatal ICU here is a brief description. Its dark with most of the light coming from monitor after monitor. These monitors beep and alarm when the babies stop breathing or heart rate drops. To hear a heart or lung alarm go off on your child's monitor occasionally is normal, but terrifying. The babies are in incubators or are in scary bassinets with heating elements. However the most disturbing thing you see is tubes, IVs, and wires all connected to your baby. All these things are in place to help your child and all you can think about is getting all this off them. Privacy in this area is very limited, which brings me to my story. As I was holding one of the girls I noticed a group gathering beside us. Then only a few feet away I witnessed a team of nurses and doctors tell a couple that their baby boy would not survive. As I was holding something so dear to me in my arms, the very same gift to those parents was being ripped away. The couple was visibly upset but quietly sat and embraced the time they still had. I'm sure there wasn't a minute that wasn't cherished that night. All night and the next day I was sincerely bothered by the scene that unfolded before me. I grieved for a total stranger. The next day, just an empty space. No lights flashing, monitors beeping, and no more tubes. Why did I receive miracles and they didn't? Some things are probably better not to question. It will drive you crazy to keep asking why. In my heart I do feel somehow there was a miracle hiding somewhere that day. Hopefully one day I will get my answer, I'll be praying for it.
So hold the ones you love close and know that miracles may be closer than you ever imagined.
